Parental Overwhelm is Real
How to Tend to Parental Overwhelm and the Threat of Burnout
For most caregivers of little ones, parental overwhelm is a near constant state.
Especially as mothers, women identifiers, femme caregivers, and primary parents, we are tasked with an insurmountable amount of work. Add in the heavy sense that the society we live in is crashing down around us, and it can feel hopeless at times.
The System Thrives on Burnout
Not only is burnout real, we live in a system that actually thrives on our burnout.
This is because when we are burnt out, we don’t have the energy to dream, envision, create, cultivate joy and contentment, heal. All of which are essential to fighting the system and manifesting a new way of being.
This is a big reason why in the United States the system is set up to target parents, mothers, and other wombed humans. It’s important to remember the roots of the country’s founding. The wealth of white Europeans is built on the pillaging of the land, the genocide of the Indigenous people, and the enslavement of Black Africans. The specific brand of capitalism that developed, as well as the origins of industrialism, are rooted in the control of Black and Indigenous bodies for the purpose of production. At the same time, white European women were constricted and controlled through corsets, labeled as histrionic and institutionalized, and told they were childlike and unable to take care of themselves without a white European male. These are the roots of industrialization, capitalism, and colonialism.
The very fabric of the United States is woven with these threads. We cannot ignore these facts when we talk about parental overwhelm, because parental overwhelm doesn’t happen in a vacuum. It’s baked into the capitalistic, colonizing, patriarchal system we live in. Which is rooted in white supremacy—that whiteness is superior to all other thoughts, energies, concepts, and ways of living.
Black, Brown, and Indigenous people and people of the Global South have long been aware of how damaging capitalism, colonialism, and patriarchy are. But many white-bodied folx have been able to avoid facing this. Becoming a parent, and specifically a mother, really pushes us up against this reality: The systems we live in want to keep us subservient, powerless, exhausted, overwhelmed, and edging toward burnout.
It can feel hopeless
It can all feel incredibly hopeless. But it’s essential to remember that choosing to bring a child into this specific time and place is a conscious act. Parenting/mothering is revolutionary, the ultimate act of resistance. We cannot control the systems we live in, but we can choose how we raise our children. We can choose the histories and stories we share in our families. We can choose how we heal, and in doing so how we pass on a less burdened version of life to our children. We can choose our ethics and values, and raise our children to have an animistic worldview so they understand that we are connected to all the energies around us. We can choose how we divest from the system and the corrupting concept of whiteness, and unlearn our internalized white superiority. Of course, this work looks very different for BI&POC folx than it does for white Europeans/descendents of white Europeans.
One of the most powerful actions we can take is birthing a human and choosing to parent/mother them differently. This is why Roe v. Wade being overturned is so important. It’s not about being pro-choice or not. It’s about sovereignty, power, and control—who has control of birthing bodies for capitalistic gains and interests. It’s an extension of the enslavement of Black Africans and the commodification of their bodies and births.
So when we talk about parental overwhelm, it’s crucial that we look at the whole system we live in and how it impacts us and the choices we make. It’s not easy to make different choices, but changing how we engage with a harmful system is an essential part of both self-care and community care.
The hard truth is that parental overwhelm isn’t going to go away by using the basic self-care tropes we often read about: getting a massage, taking a night away from our kids and responsibilities, squeezing in a pedicure. There is certainly nothing wrong with these activities, they’re a lovely way to treat ourselves! But if we really want to get to the root causes of parental overwhelm, then we need to be accountable in how we engage with the system. Of course, socioeconomic status, race, ethnicity, being an immigrant or refugee, and being a part of the LGBTQ+ community can all be complicating, compounding, and/or limiting factors, so it’s important to remember the nuance involved in any one person’s ability to confront a treacherous system. But it doesn’t change the fact that we all need to look at how we collude with that system and give it our power, our joy, our voice.
Here are some ways to tend to parental overwhelm:
How much media do you consume?
When we watch, listen to, or read the news, we are taking in the energy, the harm, and the trauma of the collective. Being mindful of how you consume media is essential to protecting your energetic well-being, which in turn affects your ability to be present and feel less overwhelmed in the day-to-day. This doesn’t mean sticking your head in the sand, but you can stay informed without trauma-binging.
How do you engage with social media?
Social media is a mixed bag. There are some terrific accounts out there that add to our understanding of ourselves, our children, and our world, but there are just as many mom influencers selling the message of capitalistic colonizing patriarchy. A shiny brand of “you can have it all, do it all, and live your best life.” We all know this is untrue, so unfollow and limit your time on social media. Again, these are outside energies you are consuming, and they have a direct impact on your overwhelm.
Are you actively unlearning and divesting from the system?
What are you doing to support your unlearning?
In what ways are you divesting from the system?
Remember, money is currency/energy. How and where are you spending it? In what ways?
Are you engaged in your own healing work?
Are you in therapy?
Are you working with a coach?
Are you actively working on healing your inner child?
Are you conscious/respectful parenting?
Do you treat your baby/toddler/child as an independent human being?
Do you meet them with curiosity and support who they are vs. push them to be how you think they should be in the world?
Are you engaged in your own healing so that you can more fully show up with patience and compassion for both yourself and your child?
Are you engaged in energetic hygiene?
Are you aware of your energy body?
Are you aware of how other people’s energies and emotions impact you?
Are you protecting your energy?
Are you cleansing your energy body?
What is your connection to your lineage?
Are you engaged in ancestor work?
Are you aware of where your people came from?
Do you have knowledge of the lands your people tended before patriarchy and religion?
Do you know your ancestral indigenous ways?
What is your connection to Spirit, Creator, Mother Earth?
Do you have a relationship with Spirit?
Do you have a relationship with Mother Earth?
Do you have a relationship with the unseen realms?
These are all inquiries to sit with to tend to parental overwhelm. Remember, we don’t have control over the system, and most of us are not in a position where we don’t have to work or can be self-employed (and a lot of us don’t want to be self-employed). But we can choose to live our life differently even within the system. The above suggestions are all ways to start tapping into making different choices and seeing how they impact you.
Start with the one that jumps out at you. Tend to it, bring it into your awareness. Spend time with it. There is no right or wrong way to do this. There is only stepping into doing it.
Remember, you are an active creator of your life.
You are an active creator of the New Earth.
The capitalistic colonizing patriarchy wants you to think you are powerless.
This is what reclaiming your sovereignty looks like.
Embodying your sovereignty will impact your parental overwhelm in a positive way and expand your capacity for living in tune with the greater gifts.
Let’s talk.
We would love to connect with you